I just have myself

One and half months, been trying so hard not to stalk you, and I didn't, congrats to me? But I looks at things that she posted. Your friend that I trusted the most. I guess I really dragged her in conflicts, I actually feel bad. I shouldn't ask her about you when we broke up. I shouldn't ask her to pass on msg. I should just shut myself in my own world and heal myself slowly.

She told me, that you like someone when you dated me. That is so heart-breaking and I realize you didn't change for these two and half years. Just the same when you cheated on your ex before me. I missed you so much but still I didn't want to find you, I will mock at myself and lose my ego if I find you.

There are so many hard times I have been through in this one and half months. I fight for them on my own. I am really alone now, you are really walking out of my life now. And these all seems like a dream. I still dream of you often, like twice in a week, and woke up in a bad mood. But I only got myself, I can't rely on anyone because I will end up being alone again. I know this.

I guess you won't pay attention to my blog so yea, I am speaking everything out from my heart here.

I don't know who to trust, not you, not your friend. Everyone is thinking like we are doing this to help each other, we are doing this to reduce the pain, we are doing this to avoid troubles. But hey, did you guys ever consider my feelings? You just leave, without giving explanation, yea, it is me who change your relationship status in fb, I pretend as you to ask your friend whether you cheated on me again. But it doesn't mean I am not expecting an explanation.

So now you know I know you liked another girl when you dated me, you don't give an explanation, your friend even remove me as friend in fb. Now what? everyone is avoiding me. And what? I annoyed you? Oh please, I am now crying my lungs out, but you know it, you know I am not that weak to accept facts, you can totally tell me I get you annoyed and you don't like me and then go. Like a man. You can totally clear out those conflicts before you leave.

You always know what I am thinking. I get pissed off then I ignored you, I get sad then I will find you, I am impulsive, bad in handling my temper and emotions, you know these. I just wanted your parents to respect me and my family, I just want you not to cheat on me or give me empty promises, I just want this. Yes I am sensitive and I don't know how to love you, because I never got cheated before, I don't know how to face you, whenever I look at your face I saw you sent her the msg saying : "I do" with a heart emoji.

I have gave you everything I can, Trust me this, I have tried every ways to make myself trust you, but it still ends up with lies. If you want to lie, then let me go. Don't lie, say you can't stand this and leave. Don't even reply and say you really can't stand this and leave.

And now, we broke up without any words. If you ever loved me, please, give an explanation on this. Why you want a break up why you seems alright after breaking up why you and your friend always telling me different things. Tell me?

No matter how much I cry I still don't get your attention, you guys are living so well. I just pity myself that cared so much. I did want to ask you all those whys, and get a reply. So I can move on. But, I don't think you will be replying? Then what for I ask? So I will pity myself again..?