My kind of songs, my kind of lover

It has been so long for me to jam into some songs and keep single repeating those songs to make myself feel comfortable. It has been really long to go crazy and enjoy music, every beat and every pitch. I am really glad that I have joined the concert few days ago, organized by my school club, FrenquenC. They have put in really a lot of efforts in it. You guys are awesome :)

I am too busy with my life and it makes me enjoy less on songs and stories. When was the last time I finished a novel? I don't think I remember it. Even now when I have a storyline to work on, it is hard to express myself well. I feel like my writing skill is getting worse and it is definitely not a good thing.

Have been really emotional recently, I guess I would be more emotional if my boyfriend is not around. I really wanted to thank him in many things. I am not a girl with good temper, not good in controlling my words as well. And yep, I got no patience or whatsoever. But I can be calm with him (sometimes),

I listen to all kinds of songs, soft, rock, pop or country, ballads or clubbing, as long as it stuck in my head then I will love it. Korean and English are my top choice, then followed by Chinese, I guess? But the feeling of the song is important. Rock songs gonna be rock and make people jump, ballad songs have to make people tear.

I think it is just like how I fall in love with people? I don't care whether he is tall or short, ugly or handsome, how much money he has in wallet, how many hours he could spend with me, or would he picks his nose in front of me, haha. I only need to have feeling to him, then it is.

They say they are hurt and they don't have the courage to start a new relationship. But you need to know things only happen once, if you wasted your chance you will need to be really regret. I am brave, I have to admit that I sometimes do things on my instinct without considering consequences. But you seriously only live once, as long as you are not hurting others, why would you want to limit yourself in so many ways and make your life so serious? After all, are you happy?

For those who are still hurt and not ready for a relationship, you guys are not hurting anymore, you guys are just not yet meet a person that would make you forget your past, your fear, put down all your worries. It doesn't have to be someone who makes your heart pumps like drifting, he might not make you desperately fall in love, he might be just be someone you are comfortable with. You know what they always say, relationship that is unforgettable tends to have a bad ending. You love too much, you desperate too much, and slowly, you add burdens to his shoulders and what's next? He got tired and he is so sick of you.

轰轰烈烈的爱情，不可靠。你确定你要这样累三四十年？

I don't dream for a prince, I won't be even thinking "I am regret because I shouldn't have accepted him first, see now there is someone better appear." Because there are always better guys out there, there are always better girls out there, even by the time you start this relationship, there are always better people. But, you have choosen him, so you should really work on this relationship. Yea, I would hope my partner think the same too. Even if someone better than me appears, he would be still loyal to me.

我希望 （一）

那年十六，我父母车祸逝去，为了投靠舅父，我一个人来到了这个城市。老实说，舅父不喜欢我，只是他家还有一个小阁楼，所以就姑且收留了我。搬过来的第一天，我只背了一个背包，好不容易找到了舅父家的住所，可惜我敲了半天的门，没有人来接应我。当下我想，完了，这天都快暗了，我忙了一整天，流了一身汗，身上也不够钱住旅馆，是要我睡天桥底了？

就在我打算离开的时候，她推开了门缝：“你……你是？肖哥哥吗？”一个女孩探出小小的头，眼睛睁的大大地还不断地眨，吧嗒吧嗒地，好像一潭深湖。

我有些错愣，瞬间才回神想起，对了，我好像还有个表妹！“啊，是，我是肖哥哥，你是……小蝶吗？”

小女孩这才点了点头，松了一口气的样子，又装作自己是主人家的样子，“进来吧。”

小屁孩，我不禁嘟囔了一句。还是无可奈何地跟着她走了进去。

屋子里没有人的样子，有些脏乱、几个酒瓶子放在了桌上、空的饭盒还有香烟盒。这真的不是个适合这样的小朋友住的地方。

“你爸爸呢？”

小蝶停住了脚步，缩了缩肩，“两天没看到他了。”

什么，留这么小的孩子在家？他能去哪里？

“他说肖哥哥会过来，叫我留意。可是我不记得我有这么一个表哥？”

我有点尴尬，毕竟生母和舅父的关系没有很好，当然她也不会记得她还是个婴儿的时候，我曾经抱过她。

“你几岁了？”我转个话题。

“十二，快能上中学了。”

“可是你看起来才八九岁的样子！”

“我年轻你不让吗？”

我彻底地败给了她，小小的身躯，嘴怎么就那么硬。

后来我才知道，舅父沉迷于赌博，根本没有心照顾小蝶。小蝶的坚强霸道都是一个人生活逼出来的，我也渐渐习惯她的任性，开始了我住在阁楼打工读书的生活。

那年我二十了，小蝶已经是高中生了。可能有了舅母的遗传吧，人长得俏丽清纯，好强的她功课也好，是学校里的学生会主席，常常代表一些演讲啊、朗诵啊之类的比赛。而我，开始忙于工作。只有高中毕业的我，只能做一些比较基本的工作。工作时间长，工资少。每天回到家，可以看见小蝶在客厅里温习功课，这个时候我就会热一些她煮好的晚饭，边吃边和她聊聊天。

今天老板突然加工，我回到家的时候已经将近十二点。小蝶应该睡了吧。回到家的时候，客厅的灯都没有开。我感到有些奇怪，小蝶通常都会留下灯还让我看路，是不是舅父回来关了灯？

“不要！！！”带着哭声和啜泣声。小蝶！！是小蝶！！

我快步跑到她房门前，“我求你！我求你！拜托不要！！呜！”

我从来不知道原来从门口到她房间要这么久的时间，每一秒都是煎熬。

“小蝶！开门！！你怎么了？！”

门锁上了。我用身体撞、拍门什么都用了·，门还是不开。

“肖哥哥！救我！！救我！！肖哥哥！啊！”

我大步走出后门，拿起后院的斧头，砍向小蝶的房门。随着小蝶的叫喊，我渐渐看到了里面的情况。

是舅父。

我开了门进去的时候已经太迟了，舅父从窗口跑了。小蝶一身赤裸，眼神没有了焦距，空洞且残破，脸上还挂有一丝丝未干的泪痕。这时我慌了，我怕了，我觉得小蝶好像没有了灵魂，只是一个残躯。我上前脱下外套抱着浑身赤裸的她，轻轻拍着她的背。

“好痛。”

沙哑且让人心碎。

我突然就哭了出来，抱着她，流出了自从父母去世我就再也没有留过的眼泪。我哭了，哭得一塌糊涂，都是我，如果我早一点回来、如果我早一点用斧头、如果……小蝶就不会这样了。

可是，小蝶没有哭，她拍了拍我的背，要我扶她起来，她疼得站不起来。她需要将自己冲干净。你知道吗？我在这一刻终于知道我喜欢她、我爱她，她是我亲表妹，可是我没心没肺地爱上了她。因为这一刻，她站了起来，沿着大腿留下来的处女血，刺伤了我的眼睛。我想死的念头都有了，可是她就是不抱怨我一句，她甚至没有抱怨我舅父。