I feel guilty, to be honest, for not being able to be happy.
I hide inside toilet to cry at first, but then end up tearing in public after my drunk friend called off my other female friend to take care of me. He was a cute brother that one can have, I love you as a brother.
To another younger brother who we tried to make him drunk, thank you for being there and not getting annoyed by me. Haha I was really having fun last night but too bad we didn't get you drunk, that was sad. And the birthday boy, you are supposed to get drunk last night since we were drinking for your birthday, but thank you that you teman me for supper even though I know you guys live far away. And two of my university friends who always be there when I am down. My house is far and have to ma fan you guys send me home because I insisted not to stay overnight at anyone's home. Thank you for taking care of me and my friend. And sincerely sorry for the troubles.
It wasn't that bad to get drunk once in a while, at least one thing is clear. I still know my limits and self-control. I didn't end up staying at someone else home or calling to talk to others, I didn't cry out loud I was still able to take care of my face. I have found my ego and myself back to me. So yea, it wasn't so bad.
I still can't stop asking why, why this happen why that happen why always me. Just like when I was playing Dota I was like why only switch with my position and gamebang me??? I am so innocent lea. hahaha. But someone told me there will be reason but it is not important now.
As usual, when I drink I will have diarrhea, but it is just diarrhea, no headaches, no hangovers, which is really good. I still have another mid term later on in this Saturday, should be studying tonight.
Another thing is the habit of talking to others when I am drunk. How lucky am I to have friend who can spend time or wasting time with me. I know I can't ask for more, but thank you so much my friend, knowing you at this particular period of time is lucky.
Oh, another thing, I just woke up and was scrolling my fb with my blurred eyes, trying to add a guy who joined the drinking last night to thank him but I accidentally click send friend request to another person, my ex. How fascinating is it, so many people in the friend list but I only click on his. Since he has accepted it I won't delete it. It is just a coincidence just an accident, it is not like I am purposely doing this. And yea, when I look at his profile I feel nothing.
What really hurt me is another friend of his that I know, when I look at her profile I found out she remove me as friend. I guess maybe she just doesn't want to see any of my updates, since she is close to him, maybe she will be struggling to tell him my stuffs or not? Or in the past I was being too annoying to ask her about his stuffs? I don't want to make her suffer, but then since I added my ex back, then it should be alright for us to be friends on fb. So yea, trouble maker as me, I added her back. But the decision of accepting or not is up to her, I won't blame her.
Anyway, I feel that I value friendship over my relationship, it is just that relationship makes me give in more than a friendship. It is weird to give in a lot in a friendship right, it will be burdensome. So yea, I want to keep this friend, even if it means we will never meet up again.
No comments:
Post a Comment