That dream

That intense feeling I got when I dream of you, yes, these 3 months I never thought of you, that's why this dream got me in a very bad mood for whole day long.

I was screaming in this dream, being sarcastic, yelling at you, trying to slap you. I really wanted to just wreck your face. I never know I could hate this much, I thought I have let it go but no. I can't just forgot how stupid I was trying to impress you, how brainless I was trying to get close to you, just because a worthless guy I bend down my head, give in my ego and pride. But yet, what was in your mind? Didn't you just mock at me? Didn't you just laugh it off on my effort?

Didn't you spread rumors around the town?

I am not satisfied, and I never will. I will never tolerate with this outcome. I am more evil than I thought I could be. I let go of my love but I can't put own this hatreds.

Yet, I got no one to blame, I can't blame on the guy that I had once chosen to be together with, it was my decision. Now then I realize I can only blame on myself, the old stubborn me that ruin my own life, putting my health at risk and still think it worth.

And now, I am so insecure to love. I know I still have the ability to love, I am glad that I can find a way to reach the old me, but I am still not secure. I cannot just stay in a room alone, especially this room in KL, whenever I lay on my bed alone, I feel like this is a torture that never end. I cannot just stay at home one whole day, I feel like I am dying. I couldn't help myself, I just... can't think of anyway to go through this.

Now, I am considering whether I should go for counselling in my school, since my uni is have free counselling services anyway. Not to mention they are the best psychology school in Malaysia. Should I or should I not?