Discrepancies

I must be too mature.

I must be asking too much.

I must be impatient.

The problem of dating younger or same-age guy, the girl is always more mature than the guy. And in the ends, the girl can't wait to settle down, but the guy never understand and still busy exploring the world. This is why even though we all know guy have shorter lifespan and dating an older guy will make you a widow sooner, but we girls still end up choosing older guy. Because their maturity match ours. I think there must be a bunch of girls who find themselves attached to younger guys but the next thing to do is to cut off the feelings.

Mindset matters, direction matters.

I am 23, not 13. I am going to work soon, I can't live without direction, I can't live without knowing what is ahead. I need someone to ensure my future, not someone who will play games, ignoring me when I was sick, and can't spend money according to the priority list.

I am picky, but I actually don't owe such good qualifications to be picky. I know it better than anyone else.

I sometimes still think, if I got sick, and die, how nice would it be?

I must be a bad girl who doesn't appreciate, I have plenty that some people might get envy of, but I still think it will be best to die.

I don;t like myself, I found myself too rational, too emotional, too dramatic. I found myself trust people too easily, too afraid to face changes, too weak. I just don't think myself could contribute something good to this world.

I hate this discrepancies of my ideal self and my real self. That's why I think my existence is worthless.

Don't save me from this despair, I think I know enough about theories or motivating quotes, I just need a space to let it out, then I will be alright, perhaps.