So this is it

I will just type this in English so you can read it without translation, I am doing this to avoid any unnecessary misunderstanding.

I just want to live simple, with the power to make decision on my own. I just don't like to get in complicated conflicts. I want to be myself, just the me who can laugh and cry comfortably.

I love when I have tantrums angrily and shyly apologize afterwards. I love when I speak, there will always have someone who can listen well, giving me suggestions and silence understandably. I love to lay on shoulders when I cry or feel tired, recharging my battery to start off again.

I like who is responsible, sociable, confident and take care of details. He needs to be filial and loyal, putting his family in the first place. Appearance is just an extra, but he must be healthy and be aware of it. Who should be conscious enough to follow plans and promises. Who is protective and brave enough to take care of me, to be the guy who can lead me in life.

I must be setting too high for you that you stress away and being irrational in talking. Or else I cannot believe you say that, it is from your mouth. It is just like one and half years ago, do you remember? You answered: "I do" with an emoji of love followed. It is way out of my expectation, I just could not imagine you say that. It is hurt, even now it is still hurting my heart.

You must have thought that I am not going easy with you by all the requests. Anyway you had it all before. You fulfilled all the requests as I mentioned.

You worked on school society. You could social well with your friends. You could laugh like there is no tomorrow. You bought me breakfast when I talked to you on the meals I was craving. You mentioned the good of your parents. You did not betray me back then. You worked out often. You studied hard on STPM and got all credits. You was so angry when I get bullied and wanted to kick his ass off. You taught me to put my ego and guards down to accept and love new things.

You did.

You were the one I wanted back then.

But my life is a mess now. I don't know when and I don't know how it started but it just turn out to be like that. Perhaps I was going easy on you and that is why you think you should have challenge yourself to make me mad. And, congratulation, you have succeed.

I feel like I was a rose who protected herself well with thorns but you teared me off. Putting me into water and you thought that would make me survive. But in fact I'm fading day by day.

To guess this may be my limit, or perhaps, you did reach my limit before but I was the one who pushed my limits for you.

No one is wrong, you know. I have been saying all these to you that it is not about whose fault. We just can't make it, we just don't match, we just don't suit each other. Just like what your parents said.

Or maybe we can just be like those Korean drama who break all the obstacles and be together? Living happily ever after? Don't make me laugh. I am that realistic, you know it. You know me so well but you like to do things in an opposite way. Anyhow I am one of the factors making things into this way, but still... I don't get it, I don't understand this.

I can't stand this. I can't accept all these.

I won't talk to you until you stand in front of me.