I feel like shit now

I am having a bad day.

My interview got postponed again and again from July until now. I started submitting my research proposal from March and wanting to get in the June intake but now I am informed I could only join the October intake. It is three weeks until the commencement and I have not received any email about the scholarship interview yet.

Then I start to doubt myself if I am the reason for failing to get the interview. Or is it because they have poor management and could not afford to pay out the scholarship at once?

Yet I can't blame anyone. I called the agent who is responsible for my application, he just had his surgery for a kidney stone and unable to help me. I asked his colleague and she just replied me that they are trying to get me an evaluator and could not confirm with me now.

Then I can only blame myself for being slow in discussing the proposal with my supervisor, and being slow to start my application, and being slow to submit my documents for the interview.

Or I am simply not good enough to get this place...

Oh, I haven't been writing any assignment from customers for like.. a week? Tired from the thesis of the previous customer, I rested for one week and I feel like crap in this one week. I know I have a few necessary expenses that I need to work hard now to cover, but I simply don't take any job because I am stressed over my interview thing. Isn't it stupid that I am aware I couldn't do anything but to wait, but I wasted my time instead of earning money?

It is normal to make changes on assignment, even when you have submitted everything and asked everything beforehand just so you don't have to modify after you done writing. Normally I would just accept the "new" requirement and make changes when no additional payment will be given for the changes. As I am having a terrible day I just told my boss that it is clearly the customer's fault as I have questioned the part earlier. And I told me I am not gonna change.

And I win, he said he will change it himself.

But why did I say so? I know my salary depends on him. If he doesn't give me any works I would not have income.

Realizing that I have shot myself in the foot, I feel like a shit now...

What should I do huh?