Lost the ability to love

I guess, I have lost the ability to love, I start to not being appreciate and cherish. Everything seems like a lie. Everything become so negative to me, love songs aren't sincere, caring isn't sweet anymore.

I feel like I am dying.

I cannot see anything with a neutral stand, I am just being selfish. I cannot love anyone now, I cannot trust anyone now. It's just like the world is fading away from me, and I am still all alone being here. No one care no one would know the existence of me.

Before you get me, before you become my bf, I was being sensitive too. I can't trust in love too. I was afraid to love too. I know starting a relationship definitely means you are going to get hurt while creating some sweet memories. It is in a package. But you changed me, you make me believe everyone deserve to be loved. No one should be left out. We all are human, we have the right.

The sweetest phrase I've learned from you.

You said, I shouldn't be worried, because you didn't expect anything from me.

You are saying I only need to be there, let you love me, let you treat me nice, let you be my hero, my dad, my bro, my friend and my lover. I only have to be there. Since you only need me to love you back. All you need is just my love.

Do you realize I am actually putting more and more and the scale is getting more and more imbalance?

You save me from being no confident but now you make me think that I am such a bad gf that you need to lie me. Am I doing bad? Or am I too demanding? Is it I am too controllable? Or I am being too strict?

And once again, I feel that I have lost the confidence to love.

You know, there is one thing that I seriously admire you --- your patient. You never give up no matter how hard is our situation, how matter what is next to us or how pain you are, you never say goodbye. All the way long, you never leave me.

I guess maybe I think this is important, the will to insist in love is way too important so I gave you a lot of chance to change. Maybe, you don't know how to change, or you forgot that it is wrong doing so, so you lie again and hurt me again.

Someone told me, if you wanna break up and get back together, you should make sure you can trust and forgive 100%. I think I can't. I can't even think that all guys wouldn't lie, I can't even think that there is someone who won't betray. So, tell me, how am I supposed to be with you?

I can't isn't it? Can't you see I have lost the ability to love you.